Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Cha-Cha-Cha-Cha-Changes...

Spring is here. We are so grateful. Change is among us in the weather and in our daily lives. Our home here in Fishers went on the market on April 8th. We had about 10 showings in about a 56 hour time period. On Friday morning we received an offer, and by Friday afternoon, we had accepted the offer. Since then, our home has been inspected and we are working on the short list of things that the buyer has asked to be done. Coincidentally, we just found out today that the buyer of our home went to the same college that Chad did, AND he was in the same fraternity, only he graduated a few years after Chad. It really is a very, very small world, but, I also believe that God has had a hand in the timing of all of this. The buyer is working with us on the closing date and the date he takes possession. The closing is May 29th and he will take possession on June 5th. We are very, very pleased and are starting to get excited, but also nervous at the way things are now moving so quickly. Ultimately, I know that God is in control of all of this and all we can do is get the house ready and be ready to close on time. And....our new home is still being renovated, but we have the promise of the builder that he will be done on time. And so here we go...the final push. I have felt very nostalgic lately. I've thought a lot about what it was like when we bought this house; where we were at in our lives. And my, how things have changed. I look around, and so much is different in my life: but in a very good way. I'm a happier person now than I was nearly 7 years ago. And, I attribute that to my relationship with God, His presence in my life, and my ability to let go of control. This week, we made the final decisions on our new home. All the light fixtures have been selected. Flooring choices have been made, and tonight, we will choose the color for the kitchen cabinets (think SAGE...oh yeah, that is the direction we are going..) I am really excited to see it all come in to place. To see the decisions that we have made and the plans that we began last summer all come to fruition. To watch as God's plan unfolds for us has been quite amazing. Another decision that we discerned for was what our schooling option for the boys would be for the coming school year. Right now, I homeschool our children. This year, while caring for my mother, I realized that I am NOT superwoman. I never really thought I was, but people have called me that. "You homeschool, you have three boys, and your care for your mother? Wow, you must be a SAINT!" I humbly tell people that I am not capable of such things on my own and all is done through the Grace of God. I'm not blowing smoke when I say that- I really do believe it. So, in February when things got really rough around here, and I began to question whether or not I should continue this homeschooling gig next year, I really worried about what people would think. The thought that the devil put in to my head was, "You are giving up on homeschooling? Well, you are definitely not a saint!" So, I tossed the idea of giving it up aside, because, I didn't want to let people down. But then, many frustrating days came after that. I would get frustrated with my boys because I had so much to do with my mom and with the house, and I thought that I was a complete fraud. I was putting up this front that I had it all together, when truthfully, I would cry most nights because I began to really, really dislike homeschooling. And I looked at my boys like schooling them was a really big chore, instead of finding joy in the time I was spending with them like I used to. It finally, finally occurred to me that this was no longer working. I had changed. They had changed. The situation had changed. And so, we started really exploring other options. Because of our location at the new house, and because of finances, Catholic school is not an option. And so, we visited the school that my husband went to when he was growing up, and I instantly felt a sense of calm and peace. THIS is where our kids should be. In fact...the same gym teacher that my husband had is still there. So, there is something calming about that. That my boys will learn inside the same walls that their father did, and that my boys will live and grow up in the same house that their grandfather and great uncle did; the house that their great grandfather had built. You know what they say: the more things change, the more they stay the same. For me, right now, truer words were never spoken.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

4/3/14

I'm not being very creative with the titles for my blog posts. I guess it's because I look at this as more of a journal, in which case I would just write the date at the top of the page and begin my entry. So, here we are. It's April. I haven't written in about a month. After my last blog post, The Holy Spirit really helped Chad and I to try to push ourselves to the max to get our home ready for the housing market. When I tell people that we are "getting our home ready for the market" I don't think that everyone realizes what that means, nor do they have an idea of how much time is spent going in to that process. For us, it has meant that every second of "spare" time and every ounce of energy has gone in to making our house look like someone else's. That's right. You read that right. This house is now someone else's house. Whose house is it? That is yet to be determined. I believe God has a family in mind for this house, and they will come along, hopefully sooner rather than later. Our house will be listed on April 8th, which is next Tuesday. So, what have we been doing to get this house ready? Packing, packing and more packing. 7 years in this house means we have accumulated a lot of stuff. The process of packing has also meant purging, and it was been cathartic for me. We have sold some things as well. We have painted some rooms, taken down all "personal" effects, cleared off every countertop and de-cluttered every corner. Every cobweb is gone, and all of the little imperfections on our walls have been "magically erased." We have new countertops and a new faucet and sink in our kitchen. I wanted to do that 2 years ago, but alas, other home improvement projects became a priority...like brand new windows, which we hope will help sell this house. So you see, without that "lived in" feeling...those cobwebs, and scratches on the walls...without those and without the bits of clutter here and there, and without our photographs on the walls, this house is not ours. It's just a house. It's not our home. Not anymore. As I took down the family photos and packed them away for our new home, I cried. Suddenly the empty feeling of this house matched the empty feeling in my heart. I grew to love this house. I love the memories that have been made here. I brought home two babies to this house. We have celebrated in this house. We have fought in this house. We have laughed...a lot. And, we have cried. But most of all, we have loved. I fell in love with Fishers while living in this house. I grew to love Indiana here, finally no longer feeling like a girl from Michigan trying to fit in. It was in this house that I became a Hoosier. This is my home. Indiana is home now- not Michigan. I used to tell people that I grew up in Michigan. That's not really true anymore. I spent my childhood and young adult life in Michigan. I have grown up in Indiana. And so, where does that leave me now? I sort of feel lost. I know that God has called us to do something- to take over the farm. God has called me to do something that I never possibly imagined. I'm still comforted in knowing that God is taking care of us, and He always will. He is leading the way. But it doesn't lessen the sadness that I am feeling lately. When the sign goes up in our front yard on Tuesday, it will symbolize the finality of it all- the end of this chapter of our lives in Fishers, and the beginning of our new life on the farm.