A Reflection

We are approaching one year of living here at the farm. June 1st is the anniversary date. As we approach that date, I find myself reflecting on the past year. Where I am now and where I was, and even where I hope to be. I often hear the phrase, "Where has the time gone?" It seems so cliche at times, but in all honesty, right now I ponder that question often. Why is it that the older we get, the faster our lives seem to go? Before moving here, I may have had certain expectations of myself and what I could accomplish in a year's time. Heck, I maybe even romanticized the idea of living on a farm. (Picture a road side stand with me and kids selling homegrown vegetables, homemade salsas and homemade jams from our luscious garden. Oh, and fresh eggs from all of our free-range chickens. Also, me and Chad in the tractor riding off into the sunset.) So, none of that has happened...yet. There is no garden. There are no chickens. There are no farm fresh eggs. The tractor thing? I haven't even been IN the tractor. I haven't been on any of the cool farm equipment. And, if you ask me, I can't even tell you exactly where all of our land is. Truth: there are STILL UNPACKED BOXES in our garage. What is in them? I have no idea, but whatever it is, apparently we can live without it. TRUTH: there are unpacked totes in my boys bedrooms. Yes. TRUTH: Our house isn't even close to being "done". There is a back splash in the kitchen to be put in. There is trim that still needs to be hung, a storage bench in our mudroom that needs painting, an office in our basement that is full of junk and is far from being an office, and gutters. Oh, the gutters need to be replaced. Landscaping is just beginning. So, what the heck have we been doing? Well, it has not been very romantic on the farm. It's hard work. I really didn't know hard work until I have witnessed the hard work put in by my husband, his dad, and the farm hands. The time spent on the farm has left little time for much else in terms of getting our house "done". But, I know it will come. TRUTH: I don't LOVE it here. Not yet. I may never LOVE it. I like it. Some days I like it a lot. It's tough for me to be so far from stores, neighbors and such. Driving anywhere to do anything takes up atleast half of the day. I'm not complaining, just being truthful. It's an adjustment, still, even after nearly a year. While reading this, my dear reader, you may begin to think that I'm disappointed in this life. That my expectations were too high and I set myself up for disappointment. Well, I might have. I'm not disappointed though. We lost my mother this year after her 3 year battle with lung cancer. After moving to the farm, she began to go downhill, slowly at first, then rather quickly. I mention this NOT because I resent her for taking up so much of our time, but because I look at that time as a time for stewardship for us. Yes, things got pushed aside in order to care for her. However, being her caregivers was something that I would not change for anything. We were given the opportunity to be Jesus to her. Though that time was so very difficult, I know it made me grow, both in my faith, and in my relationship with my husband. After going through that time, I don't take anything for granted, and I do my best to live in the present. I thank God for that. So, instead of talking about what I DON'T have, and what I HAVEN'T accomplished, here is what I do have: